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SALES & MARKETING MANAGEMENT, FEBRUARY, 2003

How to be a Better Communicator

Good communication skills often don't come naturally. Debra Condren, a business psychologist and president of Humaninvestment.com, in New York, offers seven tips to become an effective communicator:

1. FOCUS ON LISTENING Use comments like, "I'm wondering where you are on this issue." Or, "It sounds as if you're concerned about this aspect of the project." Or, "Do you mind filling me in on your take on this situation?" This lets the other person know you are paying attention to her thoughts and expertise. In turn, she will be more open to hearing what you have to say.

2. ASK FOR CLARIFICATION Making sure you've heard the person correctly goes a long way toward keeping communication clear. "So it sounds as if you're saying that we need to take another look at this quarter's marketing communications budget." Or "Just so I'm clear, are you saying that you think we need to change course to meet this deadline?" Using this technique gives the person you are speaking with a chance to confirm exactly what he's said, or refine what he was trying to convey.

3. BE BRIEF Deliver your message in as few words as possible. The less you say, the more likely you are to be heard.

4. DON'T REPEAT YOURSELF Even if you don't get an acknowledgment that someone agrees, don't try to drive your point home by saying it again a different way. Say it once and move on.

5. PERIODICALLY ASK,"AM I MAKING SENSE?" Asking for feedback as you are speaking lets others know you are more interested in their reaction and creative input than in being right.

6. HAVE AN OPEN DOOR POLICY When people feel that you are approachable, they are more likely to keep the lines of communication flowing. Managers who table every request to talk with, "Let's schedule a meeting for this Thursday at four," give the impression that they aren't interested in staying connected to their team members' concerns, insights, and ideas. People shut down communication under rigid guidelines. On the other hand, when managers are available, people rarely take advantage of this policy. A good manager who always communicates effectively may not even require an open door policy as his employees will always know what is expected of them.

7. USE SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOR Research shows that the ability to laugh at oneself is a key indicator of emotional intelligence, or the ability to connect well with other people. Connecting and listening are the two key skills of good communicators.

Calculating Your Communication Score
For each question, give yourself the corresponding number of points:
1. A=2 B=4 C=1 D=3
2. A=3 B=2 C=1 D=4
3. A=2 B=4 C=1 D=3
4. A=1 B=4 C=3 D=2
5. A=3 B=2 C=4 D=1
6. A=4 B=2 C=3 D=1
7. A=3 B=2 C=4 D=1
8. A=3 B=4 C=2 D=1

Interpreting Your Communication Score

If your score is 23-32:
You are an excellent communicator. You have a listening presence. People feel heard when communicating with you. You fill up a room, even when you are doing more listening than talking. This is a top leadership skill to further build upon and leverage. Take advantage of opportunities to develop this talent, including seeking out high-level speaking engagements, meeting facilitation, and cross-departmental and global communication challenges. Share your knowledge: In addition to modeling what it means to be a great communicator, actively coach and mentor direct reports with specific, practical feedback and strategies for becoming more skilled in their interchanges with those on their team and across departments.

If your score is 15-22:
You have average-to-geed communication skills. Some things are working, other areas can use some improvement. To sharpen your competitive edge, focus on hearing what others are trying to communicate to you versus what you want to say to them. Try paraphrasing what you've understood the other person has said before moving on, agreeing, or disagreeing. Pay more attention to nonverbal cues, such as body language and voice tone, to get a better sense of what people with whom you are communicating are thinking and feeling. Feel free to use humor to connect with others, and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself sometimes to demonstrate your willingness to be down-to-earth.

If your score is 8-14:
Your communication skills need a fair amount of work in order for you to be more effective in your professional role and to improve how coworkers perceive you. Look for blind spots: patterns and common ways that you step into old traps that repeatedly trip you up when you're trying to communicate with others. Do you find yourself interrupting? Raising your voice? Focusing more on your rebuttal than on listening to what the person is saying? Being impatient to move forward quickly rather than wasting time talking? Switch from criticism to encouragement and suggestions; patience takes more energy, but will pay off over time. Sign up for a one-day intensive workshop on improving your communication skills through your local university's continuing education program. Consider hiring a coach to give you objective feedback and strategies for improvement. Commit to reading one book per quarter on how to be a batter communicator. Put your mind to it, patiently practice, and over time you'll be successful at breaking down barriers to good communication.